I am who I thought I was…

I received my OH magazine in the mail yesterday. I thumbed through it quickly and tossed it on the counter. Later that evening my husband asked me if I read the “Loss – A Story of Bariatric Surgery & Divorce” article. I hadn’t. Seems that although he is a fit guy that has never really had a weight problem he is always the first to read that magazine. (I’m thinking I may need to start hiding it from him… it gets his brain thinking about things he needn’t worry about.)

So we’ve all heard it… if you haven’t read the article, I’d say it’s like many divorce stories you’ve heard post-surgery. Fat girl, loses weight, sheds the layers, wakes up from the coma she’d been in, discovers who she really is and decides she needs to go live her true life now, and this does not include her husband. Although this is not me, I get it.

My husband and I discussed the article and it got me thinking: why isn’t this me? Why did surgery not change me to the core like it does for many others? Did surgery change me at all?

Now to sort out what has been going on in my head the last 24 hours. This may take a few turns, so bare with me. Yes, having gastric bypass has changed me. I think anyone who has had this surgery is changed in some way. I am a more confident, outgoing person. I do things now I never did pre-surgery. I run, I swim in front of other people, I am more willing to go to my husband’s friends parties – just to name a few. Sometimes it’s things I don’t even realize. One example is when my slender co-worker invited me to go out to the mall to shop with her. I said yes, we went to the mall, visited at least 4 different clothing stores, got dressing rooms next to each other to get opinions from one another on the clothes we tried on and I had an absolute blast. It wasn’t until I got home that night that I thought, “I would have never been able to go with her before surgery. I would not have been able to shop in the stores we went to. This fun day would not have happened before surgery.” But – I do not think I went through the mental changes that a lot of WLS patients go through.

Inside, my spirit feels the same it always has. I am who I always was. I am more who I always was in my heart and mind today than I ever have been. I think this is because I never saw myself as just “the fat girl”. I always thought I was a pretty girl – a girl worth everything I wanted and achieved. I was always into fashion and makeup and having my hair done. I was never into going out to the club, I was never a drinker. I’ve always been a little shy. I could be a bit judgmental before and I can be judgmental now. I’ve loved my husband since I was 16 and I believe I always will.

Gastric Bypass has given me my real life. It’s given me “me”. I am who I always was and will always be.