It was a cool summer day in June of 2007. We had gone on a family trip to Six Flags. I was miserable. I was embarrassed. I wanted to hide, but had to keep a smile on my face for my family. I used the excuse that day that I was “afraid” to go on rollercoasters, but the truth was that I was terrified of being told I was too big to sit next to my 60 pound son and horrified of the embarrassment of being asked to get off a ride.
Even though I had been above 200 lbs for the past 10 years, I had never really “felt” my obesity. On this rare day, I was aware of every pound, all 289. In my mind, everyone in the park was looking at me, the fat girl, with a fit husband and two thin children. I felt like I had a big sign on my forehead that said, “FATTY!” and my husband was reading it with the rest of them.
As traumatic as that day was it made the decision I had been contemplating for 2 years. On that cool day in June of 07 I decided that I was going to have the Gastric Bypass Weight Loss Surgery.
Within a few weeks I was at my primary care physician’s office to get a referral to the bariatric program. A month after that I was at the orientation for the bariatric program and accepted to the program. By the end of November of 2007 I had lost the required 10% of my weight. I was then scheduled an appointment with the program’s psychologist. In the beginning of January 2008 I was given my surgery date. I would have the life changing surgery on February 12th, 2008.
I was not scared or nervous leading up to the surgery or the morning of. My husband was more scared than I was. My mind and heart were decided. There I sat with the IV in my arm before surgery and my husband was ready to bust me out, all I needed to say was, “I don’t want to do this.” But those words were not going to come out of my mouth. I knew this was something I had to do.
I kissed my husband goodbye, walked into the operating room, lay down on the table and was strapped down. I talked a bit with the operating room staff and my surgeon, Dr. Christine Chu. The anesthesiologist administered the medication to put me out and the next thing I knew I was waking up… it was done.
So here I am, one year later. I am down a total of 130 lbs. I can chase my kids, go down the slide and not worry about getting stuck on the way down. I go to the gym 5 days a week, I am even jogging now! ME! JOGGING! My life has changed in ways I never expected.
I now enjoy bubble baths. I cross my legs without thinking about it. I am aware of how much LESS space I take up. I am no longer shocked when I catch my reflection in a mirror or window by how big I am, I am now shocked by my reflection at how small I am.
I’m still getting used to this new body and all that I can do with it. It’s taking my mind a little longer to catch up with my new thin body, but I know in time it will get there and the “me” I see in my head will eventually match what is on the outside.
My decision to have Gastric Bypass is one of the best decisions I ever made, so on this day, one year later, I wanted to make a post to remind myself how far I’ve come.
