Yosemite Bound

I am so excited! Tomorrow morning I will be leaving for a 3 night camping trip to Yosemite. I have not been camping since I was a little girl, so I am very excited and little nervous. I'm not one to really like dirt or bugs, but I think I should be okay.

Two years ago this camping trip would have been causing me some serious anxiety. I would have been fearful of embarrassment over my weight, not being able to handle the physical challenges of camping and hiking, and much more. Today I am excited about this camping trip! I am excited to challenge myself and have new experiences. I feel physically up to it. This is a good feeling.

Heat - Fat VS Thin

It's suppose to be 100 degrees out today and I am forced to be outside ALL day. Before, at 290 lbs, this would have been miserable. I would have been sweating from every crevice - each stomach roll, the folds in my back, in between my legs. I would have gotten a headache, I would have been practically panting, yes, panting like a hot dog.

Today, I am 151 lbs. I'm actually looking forward to the heat. This winter was miserable and I don't even live somewhere that it gets very cold. I was sooo completely cold. I always used to prefer winter to summer. I was never really that cold because I had my own built in coat. After being as cold as I was this winter I am looking forward to the heat today. I think it's going to feel comforting... but I will let you all know.

Be Mindful

I eat all kinds of things. Some things still do not interest me in this post-op life, but I eat. I eat oatmeal & blueberries, eggs, bacon, sandwiches, chili, chicken, chips, cheese, crackers & PIZZA!! I love it all and I don't feel bad (most of the time) when I eat something that is typically tabu post-op. I keep it in check. I eat pizza about once a week and I know it's not going to make me regain all my weight. The difference is that now I have 1 slice of pizza rather than the 4 or 5 I had pre-op.

I think there is a big misconception about food and eating post-op. I don't think it's emotionally healthy to think in terms of never being able to eat certain foods again. I feel that as long as the food has some nutritional value, then go for it! I don't think it's emotionally healthy to say,"I'm being bad." I honestly think that if you get a craving for something you should eat it. I think if you crave a cookie you should eat a cookie. If you are craving pizza, you should have a slice. To tell yourself you CAN'T have something only makes you want it more and I think you are more likely to fall off the wagon completely. The key is to eat it mindfully. Make the mindful choice to eat it and then eat it and think about it while you are eating it. Do not eat mindlessly. Commit to it. If you do this, it will be worth it.

I'm not perfect. I've had regrets and eaten mindlessly while on this journey. But I know that now I make more healthy choices than not. I'm mindful 99% of the time in my food choices. So my suggestion for you all to try this week: Be mindful in the food choices you make this week. Think about what you are putting in your mouth before you put it in and be aware of it while you are eating it. Stop what you are doing. Think about each bite you take and pay attention to the taste and the feelings you are having while you are chewing it.

xoxo

It's a Vicious Cycle

Some of you may be thinking,"Is she really going to blog about her weight loss that much? How much can there be to say?", but I want to tell you, I have a lot to say. There is not one day that goes by that I don't think about my weight loss, or the surgery, or the fear of regain. Every single day something goes through my head that is weight loss/health/surgery related.

It's the same as when you're fat. Your mind is your own prisoner. Not one day goes by that you are not reminded of your weight or health or girth. It's either you are feeling fat, you are put in an embarrassing situation, today is the last day you are going to put something unhealthy in your mouth, you will start exercising and dieting on Monday... I know, I've been there - believe it or not, I'm still there.

Fat Bastard said it best,"I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle.". Looking a bit like Fat Bastard when I watched that movie for the first time, as funny as it was, that part did bring a little tear to my eye. I remember I went and looked in the mirror and pulled my face down into my neck and began to mock myself,"Hey! I'm Fat Bastard!". Then I pushed my double chin to the side and tried to envision what my face would look like thin. I now have that face, the thin face I envisioned.

So, yes, everyday I should have something to say about my weight loss experience. Please understand that these are my experiences. You may empathize, you may share some of the same experiences or you might not. Some days may be happy, some may be funny, some may be sad, etc. but I am really looking forward to sharing everyday with you.

Weight Loss Appreciations

I think I have taken some things for granted during my weight loss journey. I don't think I've really stopped and smelt the roses as much as I should have.

This weekend, when I was folding a pair of my jeans, it dawned on me; I really appreciate every size I've been in over the last year and a half. From 24 down to 22, 20, 18, 16 (feeling fabulous), 14, 12, and now a 10! It's really just amazing.

I took the one pair of size 24 jeans I kept out of my closet and held them up. Wow. They were so big and so heavy. So instead of feeling fat that day and being down on myself I felt grateful and happy. None of those negative thoughts went through my head. Not once did I think,"Ya, I've lost so much weight, BUT look at this roll, and that flabby skin, these stretch marks here..." I felt good, happy, thankful, hot, proud - all day.

I hope to start having more days like that.

Star Jones on Oprah

I really enjoyed listening to Star Jones on Oprah today. I've honestly only heard mostly negative press on Star Jones. I was surprised to see how honest and candid she was in the interview, very raw. Having had Gastric Bypass myself I never really liked the fact that she was not honest about her surgery. I get it now. I understand. I don't blame her.

One little thing I wanted to share... she was talking about things she began to be embarressed of when she became morbidly obese - one thing I now appreciate after losing weight is not having to have the blood pressure cuff changed to the super huge cuff. I now get to use the regular one... for normal, average people. Who would have thought I would appreciate such a thing.

Weekend Fun

We had family pictures taken this weekend in Old Sacramento. I am so excited to get them back. I know they are going to be great. It was the perfect place for our family to have them done. Both Trel and I have lived in the 916 all our lives.

I'll be sure to share!!